Western Values vs Traditional

I love who I am, I am Maori, I was brought up with my own traditional values that makes me unique. These values are in constant contention with western ways and western values. We are being told how to be in society, how to be model citizens and be essentially white. We were clothed, after living years without covering. Because it was seen as indecent and obscene in their eyes. Yet it wasn't our men who saw our nakedness as such, it was white men who instead of averting their eyes ogled. The temptation was too raw, that we were forced to wear western clothes. Our bodies seen as objects of lust, yet it was us who paid the price by submitting. Wrong perhaps yet not unlike what takes place in today's world. African has aid workers nestled in their villages, equipping them with western needs, ideals and tools. Sanitary products that are not accessible, let alone the means to dispose of them. I had an awesome conversation with an African woman last night on this very issue. Watoto thought it was a great idea to appeal for undies for girls in Uganda, as the drop out rate for girls once menses set it was high. As the girls had no underwear to attach sanitary products, they dropped out. So in come undies from all stretches of the earth to help. Problem 1: constant supply of undies, affordability. Problem 2: access to sanitary products, affordability, disposal. Problem 3: the undies could be seen as an encouragement for sexual advances - very real, very true and this is taking place NOW. What would have been the traditional ways of personal hygiene? Cloth naturally, that was washed and soaked and reused. Simple, yet seen as disgusting because you are handling your blood. You are touching your blood. Your menses is seen as a disgusting thing, yet it's who we are. It's our gift as woman to bleed on a monthly basis. When we know it as a gift, when we treat it like a gift, we respect ourselves more. The world has so much to learn about the traditional ways of old, yet we have western woman taking on these values increasingly. Woman of colour are rich in knowledge, yet it's being taken from us. It's being mass produced into something new, something novel and yet something so so right!

Fast Food Ban

It's okay, it's not like I've been doing this all my life. Only in the last month have I made a determined decision, to get the crap out of our diet. I don't want fast food to be the easy, cheap option when it comes to food. If I know I can't afford to go to a proper cafe and eat, I'll opt to take my own food and picnic it. Healthy raw nuts, fruit, water, carrot, celery sticks etc. Make sandwiches with various fillings, using mountain wraps and any left over cold cuts or what ever is on hand. She loves it, although its taken a while to release my thinking from it. Maybe I'm a weird Maori to some, or maybe I want what's best for my daughters health. Fast food has become ingrained in us because it's inexpensive, satisfying and accessible. Food signifies a long term value of our bodies health (eye rolls) being conscious about what we eat takes focus and determination. You have to pre-plan and account for outings, resist the urges to get it cos you can and the kids are nagging. It means not being lazy, being pro-active and doing more than you currently are to pre-empt any given situation. It's been hard, as my partner grew up eating takeaways. That to change his way of thinking about food has been hard and still is. It's like an urge of instant gratification found when consuming takeaways, it kicks in his feel good hormones. How do you work with that, without coming off as controlling? Honestly I don't know but we as parents have to lead by example. We have to teach our daughter the value of growing, preparing, making and enjoying food in its close to natural state.

Children at Birth

What sort of scenario does the mind come up with, when you think of children at births? Does it make me a bad mother or Tapuhi, when I take my daughter to the births I attend? Possibly in some people's minds but this is what makes what I do unique. It's about whānau and breaking down the misconceptions, walls and stigmas attached to birthing. Like me she attends birth and brings the energy of a innocence with her. Am I worried about what a 4 year old sees? No, because I know from experience that she only sees what she wants to see. She doesn't lurk around to catch a glimpse, or huddle in the corner feeling scared. In fact she's quiet an active participant, touching mamas puku, letting me know through mama's birthing calls that baby is coming. Often she's humming away in the background and more recently she's almost doing the welcome Karanga.  In everything I've done, from Mirimiri, Romiromi, land clearings, house clearings and blessings, she has been there. A helpful innocence, that grounds me in situations trying on the heart strings. She's observing, learning and taking in as much as her senses will allow. There is no violence in birth and it shows her how natural childbirth is. She isn't taught some text book idea or sex education class kind of birth. First hand knowledge is becoming the key to education, therefore she is fully aware of the function of the female body. The female body during birth and therefore she shows no fear, she has a sense and confidence that although beyond her years. She is grasping the beauty and naturalness of birth. She knows what the placenta is and it's importance in the growth and life of a baby. This is my gift to her and my way of educating future mothers. 

Waitangi Day thoughts

So today marks the day the Treaty of Waitangi was signed - while there are versions and accounts of what it is and what it isn't, it had me asking what it meant for birth among Maori. These are simply my opinions and by no means reflect the opinion of others. I see that the signing changed the face of birth for Maori, customs and traditions wise. It called for the management of births in a hospital setting, it meant the passing of an act that suppressed Maori women from birthing at their kainga (homes) that suppressed our Tohunga from igniting the home fires through karakia (prayer) and oriori (lullaby), where the first rites of Karanga (welcome call) were dismissed and the Whenua (placenta) was discarded as rubbish, where birth now took place on your back and your vulnerability was exposed to male doctors who felt it necessary to use metal instruments to extract our babies, where you had no support because the scary hospital isolated you and your pēpi (baby) was taken from you, tested, prodded and poked at. Possibly an over exaggeration? Well not really. If you put yourself in a position, where you are away from the familiar surroundings of home. What does that feel or look like? Imagine being a Maori woman post 1908 (tohunga suppression act) hapu, in unfamiliar surroundings and feeling vulnerable. Fear kicks in. Cortisone levels rise, which inhibits the hormones that allow our bodies to birth. There is no Oriori to lull you, to centre you, to get you out of your head and into your body. You feel unsafe and totally at the mercy of a place unfamiliar and unknown. There is no birth attendant there to encourage you or mother to welcome your baby, no acknowledgment to the safe arrival and certainly no bonding. Cord cut, baby taken away. What imprint does that leave? The imprint of their own birth being managed not physiological. Who knows! What I know is, it wasn't what it should have been. Birth was no longer ours to oversee and own, the signing meant that such acts could be put in place to manage us in various aspects of our Maori lives. On the other hand, not all doom and gloom came of it. I say that cautiously as I write it, taking into consideration the state of the health and medical industry today. Certainly by no means moving forward, in-fact we are dying at a faster rate. The morals of the health system are declining as it becomes more about bigger hospitals, more sick and more money. Lab rats test new medicines and rats often become part of that medicine, so yes medicine and hospitals have helped in their own ways. The holistic approaches to health and well being are on the increase and there is friction between holistic and medical. Foods are being bulked using synthetic hormones, our soils riddled with chemicals to kill something, which could potentially kill us. Much like birth and the signing of the treaty, we are no longer allowed to just be.

Mother and Daughter Talks

I love what the diva cup stands for, no more nasty tampons or sanitary towels that clog up our water ways. While there may be issues with insertion and extraction, once you have mastered it. I will never look at buying store brought products again. We save in the long run, we become more aware and in-tune with our body, our body becomes the centre of of our natural instincts and we form a healthy respect for our menstrual cycle. Having our periods has been seen as that yucky thing, the curse, the dreaded time of the month that must be hidden, not talked about and never shared openly with others. The most difficult part I found was not knowing what product was best for me. I wasn't blessed with a box of goodies or information to help me, I learnt through observation. Does that make me a lepper in my culture? Does that make my tapu even more tapu because I choose to discuss it? I'm trying to navigate my way between what is acceptable in my heart and what is acceptable in my culture. Is there a line that can't be crossed? I'm in no way meaning butts on tables kind of Kōrero, I'm meaning talking openly about menstrual cycles in Maori communities, with our wahine Maori communities. Talking about alternatives to shop pushed products, ways to increase our vitamin intakes, use our bodies as cues to deficiencies, ways to self ease menstrual cramps, easing symptoms of PMS, self care during our periods, what the color of our menstrual blood means, charting our cycles and sharing the meaning of a cycle. The effects of hormonal birth control pills, implants etc on our cycles later on in life. There is such a wealth of information contained in our cycles, that can teach us and our daughters about respecting our bodies. Nurturing and honoring our sacred selves and being the best possible role models to the girls in our lives.
Photo credit - thegreenestdollar.com

Significant Tohu

When we are promoted by significant Tohu, are we motivated to listen? There is a significant amount of talk happening right now, following the burning of a building in Bankstown. Days prior to the fire, I was attending an inspection to view a property in that very building. I was intending to submit an application to see this as my future dwelling. It ticked all the boxes in terms of being modern, in an excellent location and something I would want to come home to on a daily basis. On my walk there prior to the viewing, I encountered a smell that I am very familiar with. Funeral Home!! Sure enough 200 metres ahead there it was. They had only just started the embalming process, which kind of rung alarm bells. But I carried on walking hoping that the window view of the lovely apartment, wasn't going to be downgraded by a view of the Funeral Home. As I approached the entrance to the apartment, there were already people waiting and before long there were more and more. The inspection time came and went and irate phone calls were being made to the agents office. Long story short, it had already been leased. So it was back to square one again of awful house hunting. I was peeved naturally that the agent had let the property without notifying anyone. Unprofessional to say the least but maintaining my composure and hiding the fact that I was. On my way back to the car via the path of the Funeral Home, I met with a burnt out building. The sun had just risen and hit its frontage, which made the silver hues stand out and shine at me. So I snapped a photo. Leaving the feeling of what had happened behind, I went about my Saturday as per usual. Then the news tells me of a fire and casualty and here I am looking at that building thinking wow. I would have been back at step 1 before I even got in the door. So here I am grateful that the agent was unprofessional so really I should be thanking her. Thanking her that I am not like the countless residents, who have been made homeless as a result of the fire in the building. I am homeless there's no doubt about that, but I still have everything I could ever want and that's what matters. Tohu can play a role in our daily lives, provided the intention of what you put out there is right. You will get back the same love you manifest.

Date Nights Begin on Matariki

Sometimes we can look back at the beginnings of our relationships and wonder if we truly got to actually date each other.  Peer pressure, hormones, everything can really speed up our relationships and leave us forgetting about the old ways of courtship.  Where we courted our prospective love interest with gifts, affection and wide eyed love.  Where has that concept gone? The intrusion of alcohol plays a big part in the formation of some relationships and we are left scratching our heads wondering what just happened.  My gift to my taane for June is date month.  As it is Matariki which is our Maori New Year, it's a new years resolution that I want to instill in my relationship.  To start this New Year in a way that reminds me why I fell in love with him in the first place.  I love what he brings to my spirit and I love the way I feel happy when we are together, that I feel we need to take it back to that as often as possible.

I feel myself often moving into selfish mode, where I restrict him of my affection because my inability to take crap.  I am fussy about quality and my relationship is no different.  I look forward to updating you all on my date nights.