December arrives

So today is the dawning of a new month and the lead up to a year ending. So much has captivated my attention these past 3 months that I am finally feeling the sun on my face. Which simply means I am living again. As my own critic and own worst enemy, I came to a realization that I have a fear about my potential in succeeding. I know it is a DNA imprint as I have seen it happen time and time again without progression and without the backbone to ever succeed. I can't tell you why, I can't tell you where that elusive switch to my fear is but I do know that it has been activated. On Sunday I had the honor of being a for training purposes example to my peers. If you are not familiar with Romiromi, I encourage you to seek and do. My hips gave way to my seemingly together composure (despite the fact I cried every time I spoke) which for me came from an emotional place in my lower right back and hip. When I was having Romiromi this particular spot had me releasing so much of my emotional turmoil and pain, that I was literally in pain and tears. The more I breathed back into that pain and cried, the bigger the release I had. For me this was a turning point in addressing not only my emotional fear but my fear of success. As cliche as such testimonials can be, I am so not fronting on this one. I feel and know that healing and this mahi is where I see myself. I've learnt to let go of that which does not serve me and fear of succeeding is one of them.  I have felt the isolation and the guilt of exploring things that in no way make my heart feel warm and from this stems fear, which further isolates me from who I am.  I hold myself accountable for the actions that then cause a reaction as a result of my own ignorance and fear.  One thing I hold dear to the weekend workshop, is the feeling of community I felt being amongst other Maori women and men.  I felt the livening in my heart and from there I look forward to my future prospects and life.  The new year on the horizon looks better than ever and feels better than ever.  Welcome home me, it's been a long time coming.