Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Significant Tohu

When we are promoted by significant Tohu, are we motivated to listen? There is a significant amount of talk happening right now, following the burning of a building in Bankstown. Days prior to the fire, I was attending an inspection to view a property in that very building. I was intending to submit an application to see this as my future dwelling. It ticked all the boxes in terms of being modern, in an excellent location and something I would want to come home to on a daily basis. On my walk there prior to the viewing, I encountered a smell that I am very familiar with. Funeral Home!! Sure enough 200 metres ahead there it was. They had only just started the embalming process, which kind of rung alarm bells. But I carried on walking hoping that the window view of the lovely apartment, wasn't going to be downgraded by a view of the Funeral Home. As I approached the entrance to the apartment, there were already people waiting and before long there were more and more. The inspection time came and went and irate phone calls were being made to the agents office. Long story short, it had already been leased. So it was back to square one again of awful house hunting. I was peeved naturally that the agent had let the property without notifying anyone. Unprofessional to say the least but maintaining my composure and hiding the fact that I was. On my way back to the car via the path of the Funeral Home, I met with a burnt out building. The sun had just risen and hit its frontage, which made the silver hues stand out and shine at me. So I snapped a photo. Leaving the feeling of what had happened behind, I went about my Saturday as per usual. Then the news tells me of a fire and casualty and here I am looking at that building thinking wow. I would have been back at step 1 before I even got in the door. So here I am grateful that the agent was unprofessional so really I should be thanking her. Thanking her that I am not like the countless residents, who have been made homeless as a result of the fire in the building. I am homeless there's no doubt about that, but I still have everything I could ever want and that's what matters. Tohu can play a role in our daily lives, provided the intention of what you put out there is right. You will get back the same love you manifest.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Date Nights Begin on Matariki

Sometimes we can look back at the beginnings of our relationships and wonder if we truly got to actually date each other.  Peer pressure, hormones, everything can really speed up our relationships and leave us forgetting about the old ways of courtship.  Where we courted our prospective love interest with gifts, affection and wide eyed love.  Where has that concept gone? The intrusion of alcohol plays a big part in the formation of some relationships and we are left scratching our heads wondering what just happened.  My gift to my taane for June is date month.  As it is Matariki which is our Maori New Year, it's a new years resolution that I want to instill in my relationship.  To start this New Year in a way that reminds me why I fell in love with him in the first place.  I love what he brings to my spirit and I love the way I feel happy when we are together, that I feel we need to take it back to that as often as possible.

I feel myself often moving into selfish mode, where I restrict him of my affection because my inability to take crap.  I am fussy about quality and my relationship is no different.  I look forward to updating you all on my date nights. 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

The Heart behind the Face

Hinerangi - Pou at Te Ahua Point, Piha
We can walk through life without having actually lived it to it's fullest, often being held back by past trauma which has essentially affected us today.  I read a brilliant article today which talked about a subject close to my heart.  Although the perspective derived from a woman of Native American descent, as a Maori woman I felt the similarities and it struck a deep nerve with me too.  It's right that as Maori woman, we are talked about by non Maori in a sense that has people think they are essentially us.  We are portrayed as hard woman, gang related woman with big mouths, loads of hair, dark glasses and missing teeth.  While that may be the case as portrayed in movies, it is not the only us  that exists on this earth.  As Maori women we feel from a depth that the heart can not contain, our love is intense and giving and our spirits are strong and full of life.  Instill hate, pain and grief and a totally different woman is bound to stand before you.  Where did the stereotypes derive from and how can we claim back that which is ours.  That feeling of goodness is ours, it's not up for sale or for the taking, you must hold fast and you must nurture it.  Getting back to the community concepts that our Tupuna once upheld, where our talks as women took place in a safe setting to allow sharing of knowledge.  Our community of Maori women were important factors in modelling birth, motherhood, breastfeeding, changes in the body, being a woman, wife, nurturer, gatherer, hunter and respected member of the community.  Integrity wasn't a new concept, yet me are stereotyped in today's society is unimportant, insignificant and non contributing members to society.  Well to do folk are looking down at us with judging, questioning communication.  We were brought up with non verbal communication skills, so yes your opinions are very transparent through your body language.  
Our matriarchs were committed to holding the esteem of their tribe on high, which transferred through hosting, composure, eloquence in speech, service to their people and the wider community.  That's who Maori woman are.  Those are the values lacking with our kotiro Maori today, yet we as mothers, grandmothers, aunties, nieces and cousins can change that stigma, we can alter the stereotypes and create a path focused on the values set down by our Tupuna long ago.  What would such a task take?  It takes the voice of one woman in her community to make those changes, it takes the voice of one woman to set a foundation to build on with the highest possible values.  We can change the DNA of the abuse, alcoholism, drug abuse, child abuse, violence and inhuman acts to each other.  We as woman can do that. 

Ipu Whenua

Pic from teara.gov.nz
This Ipu Whenua (placenta vessel) replica was carved out of totara wood by carver 
Jacob Heberley of Te Āti Awa.  Original Ipu Whenua were made from Gourds and more recently out of clay, signifying their return to Papatuanuku.  Our placenta is never placed next to food, which means the freezer is a no go.  We do not consume our placenta for the purpose of increasing Vitamin K levels or Postpartum Depression.  We return the grounding element of our babies, to Papatuanuku our earth mother.  
I have been taught not to bury the placenta within the boundaries of the home.  Being that the placenta eventually becomes dense energy, it is bound to attract extraneous portals that do not serve us.  Therefore, choosing a sacred space to carry out the final resting place of the whenua is important.  In the event that you are unable to get to a sacred place immediately, use a plant pot with dirt at the base, the whenua and then more dirt to cover.  I used a clay terracotta planter and placed the pot inside a flax kit.  When it came time to bury the whenua (3 days later), I broke the pot inside the kit as much as I could and placed the entire kit and the contents into the earth.  A sacred place could be either, your urupa (family burial site), protected lands where you know no form of housing will be erected on in the future or protected lands where previous whenua have been buried.  Give the whenua to Papatuanuku with the intention of gratitude and acknowledgment in overseeing this last process.  A good friend of mine taught me the significance of speaking to the potential of all that we do, even to the potential of the whenua we bury.  Spiritually, they will always be connected, therefore it makes sense to speak to the potential of the whenua which in turn speaks to the potential of our babies.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

The Role of our Sons

My two sons
While the importance of birth and nurturing is seen primarily as a mama's role, what about the role of our son's who will one day be fathers and the support system for their expectant partners.  It's been said over and over again that anyone can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a father.  How do we prepare our sons for fatherhood or is this a job primarily left to our partners to conduct.  What if we are a single parent who is the be all in a family, how then can our sons be modeled for greatness as a father.  Where do we go then if the male role models in our lives are not better as fathers than anyone.  I ask this question because I have two sons aged 16 and 7 and I wish for them to be comfortable in their roles as one day dads, who will support their partners in an assertive way and pre destine a gentle birth.  I have modeled my behaviour specific to what I wish for my sons.  The importance of birth and their role as a caring parent.  I speak openly about how they came into this world and the way in which their births empowered me collectively as a woman and as a mother.  I love my sons for giving me incredible experiences with birth, both natural and both with the imprint of love first and foremost.  I am grateful for the role their father played in their births.  I am grateful for the midwife support I received during their pregnancies, which assisted in equipping me with a grounded knowledge base.  You can only share through example of what you have experienced yourself.  No one can tell you how it was for you, like I cant tell a mama how it was for them.  You own your birth, just like I own mine.  It's not for anyone to steal, borrow or dictate.  Embrace your sons in your birth, include them so they can see and know first hand how to take the steps towards a great fatherhood.

I am Maori, I Birth too

Hinetitama by Robyn Kahukiwa
I wouldn't go as far to say that ideas are stolen, oh no because that would make me a racist.  Lets just say things that I find the norm in my culture, appear to be the new thing in today's society.  Anyone who is of indigenous descent can tell you that we have been doing things the natural way since time began.  By natural I'm talking, birth, talking to the womb, conducting prayers to the potential of our babies way before the claws of well to do ideology came along.  Before we were dehumanized during public birthing practices and made to feel we had signed our rights to our bodies over to an apparently higher power.  I get hoha (annoyed) literally when I as a Maori woman, am made to feel that I know nothing about my body and nothing about birth for that matter.  Especially when it comes to the care of the many Maori mothers and families, I put under my wing as a Birth Attendant.  I know whats sensitive to my Maori Mama's, in terms of whats acceptable practice when it comes to touching, handling and care.  
I am all for a birth without intervention especially when the maths has been calculated beforehand and there are no risks present.  Being Maori alone does not warrant mass intervention, I challenge any care provider who deems it necessary to place such restrictions on a Mama because of cultural heritage.  I also get hoha at well to do folk proclaiming the euphoria of natural birth, while looking down their nose at those of us who have already been there and done that.  Tall poppy syndrome in birthing circles is tragic and as rampant as the small pox that wiped many indigenous cultures out around the world.
Why the hate lady?  I wouldn't go as far to say hate, more fed up with the tokenism remarks (my husbands maari *in a matter of fact way to say it's okay to digitally enter your nether region*)  I have maari friends and they don't do things this way.  News flash, your husband doesn't allow you to digitally enter his rectum does he and your friends are not giving birth right now or under my care so save it.  I'm assertive when it comes to culturally sensitive care, I'm assertive because of the spiritual nature of birth in my culture.  This stuff isn't text book, it isn't taught, its in our DNA, its who I am and its what I do for the cultural preservation of my people.  Our birthing practices have been long down trodden and long outnumbered, but with an increase of awareness, education by way of Waananga to our children, families and extended families.  Our customs and traditions of birth can be carried and nurtured as they should be.  How can such knowledge and care not reflect on our future generations.  We imprint a life of potential when we welcome our babies into the arms of loved ones, that's our job as their parents, carers and providers.  That's not the job of a gloved hand, a yelling OB or specialist, let alone an egotistical midwife. 

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Maori Girl - Then and Now

With my youngest daughter, my Maori girl
Bullying is something I do not tolerate in any way.  I was the subject of bullying while I was at school and not just physically but mentally and emotionally also.  I feel for anyone who has ever been subjected to bullying and the long term effect it can have on a person.  In particular a Maori girl.  We are subjected to much scrutiny anyway and constantly seen as a lower minority within society.  If you grew up in the city you had a distinct confidence about you, that was frowned upon when in circles from smaller townships.  Yet the influence of the big cities became the something we all aimed for.  Do well, move to the city and start living the fast life of liberation and independence.  Yet I wonder how easily it is for someone to become so engaged in the city life, that there became a blurred line between who you are and what you appear to be.  Identity.  I was bullied because I was Maori in a well to do community and I hated being who I was because of it.  There became a blurred line in terms of the values I was brought up with and the values that my well to do peers had (which I thought I had to have to feel included)  I wish at that time that I was strengthened by my identity and proud of my identity to never have gone there.  I mean, I wish I was as confident then as I am now.  I know how to be assertive in a situation when I feel my identity being compromised and I know how how to do it humbly.  No outright racist stuff in the vocab, just subtle reminders that I am Maori first and foremost and those ways are not in line with my beliefs.  I'm talking social behaviour (no it is not alright to sit on a table, even under intoxicated circumstances) and (no it is not alright for me to swim in the sea or tend to my food gardens during my menstrual cycle) and (no I will not step over the legs of a male Maori, out of respect for his Mana and to uphold my own) do I intend on teaching these values to my daughters? Absolutely without a doubt I will be.  I prefer not to cook during my time of the month, call me weird if you will and not because it's a Tapu thing to do.  I don't because I am aware of the interaction my hands have with my intimates during that time and how messy it is.  For the life of me, I don't want to be handling any food during then.  I may be the only woman on the planet who thinks this way but it's what I do.  I don't compromise those values for any one.  It could have been easy for me to compromise, with the peer pressure, the bullying and the taunts that made me insecure about being Maori.  Looking back now, I feel it shaped me for when I grew up.  Shaped me for now and for what I want to teach my daughters.  They will be mothers one day after all.