The Heart behind the Face

Hinerangi - Pou at Te Ahua Point, Piha

We can walk through life without having actually lived it to it's fullest, often being held back by past trauma which has essentially affected us today.  I read a brilliant article today which talked about a subject close to my heart.  Although the perspective derived from a woman of Native American descent, as a Maori woman I felt the similarities and it struck a deep nerve with me too.  It's right that as Maori woman, we are talked about by non Maori in a sense that has people think they are essentially us.  We are portrayed as hard woman, gang related woman with big mouths, loads of hair, dark glasses and missing teeth.  While that may be the case as portrayed in movies, it is not the only us  that exists on this earth.  As Maori women we feel from a depth that the heart can not contain, our love is intense and giving and our spirits are strong and full of life.  Instill hate, pain and grief and a totally different woman is bound to stand before you.  Where did the stereotypes derive from and how can we claim back that which is ours.  That feeling of goodness is ours, it's not up for sale or for the taking, you must hold fast and you must nurture it.  Getting back to the community concepts that our Tupuna once upheld, where our talks as women took place in a safe setting to allow sharing of knowledge.  Our community of Maori women were important factors in modelling birth, motherhood, breastfeeding, changes in the body, being a woman, wife, nurturer, gatherer, hunter and respected member of the community.  Integrity wasn't a new concept, yet me are stereotyped in today's society is unimportant, insignificant and non contributing members to society.  Well to do folk are looking down at us with judging, questioning communication.  We were brought up with non verbal communication skills, so yes your opinions are very transparent through your body language.  

Our matriarchs were committed to holding the esteem of their tribe on high, which transferred through hosting, composure, eloquence in speech, service to their people and the wider community.  That's who Maori woman are.  Those are the values lacking with our kotiro Maori today, yet we as mothers, grandmothers, aunties, nieces and cousins can change that stigma, we can alter the stereotypes and create a path focused on the values set down by our Tupuna long ago.  What would such a task take?  It takes the voice of one woman in her community to make those changes, it takes the voice of one woman to set a foundation to build on with the highest possible values.  We can change the DNA of the abuse, alcoholism, drug abuse, child abuse, violence and inhuman acts to each other.  We as woman can do that. 

Ipu Whenua

Pic from teara.gov.nz

This Ipu Whenua (placenta vessel) replica was carved out of totara wood by carver 

Jacob Heberley of Te Āti Awa.  Original Ipu Whenua were made from Gourds and more recently out of clay, signifying their return to Papatuanuku.  Our placenta is never placed next to food, which means the freezer is a no go.  We do not consume our placenta for the purpose of increasing Vitamin K levels or Postpartum Depression.  We return the grounding element of our babies, to Papatuanuku our earth mother.  

I have been taught not to bury the placenta within the boundaries of the home.  Being that the placenta eventually becomes dense energy, it is bound to attract extraneous portals that do not serve us.  Therefore, choosing a sacred space to carry out the final resting place of the whenua is important.  In the event that you are unable to get to a sacred place immediately, use a plant pot with dirt at the base, the whenua and then more dirt to cover.  I used a clay terracotta planter and placed the pot inside a flax kit.  When it came time to bury the whenua (3 days later), I broke the pot inside the kit as much as I could and placed the entire kit and the contents into the earth.  A sacred place could be either, your urupa (family burial site), protected lands where you know no form of housing will be erected on in the future or protected lands where previous whenua have been buried.  Give the whenua to Papatuanuku with the intention of gratitude and acknowledgment in overseeing this last process.  A good friend of mine taught me the significance of speaking to the potential of all that we do, even to the potential of the whenua we bury.  Spiritually, they will always be connected, therefore it makes sense to speak to the potential of the whenua which in turn speaks to the potential of our babies.

The Role of our Sons

My two sons

While the importance of birth and nurturing is seen primarily as a mama's role, what about the role of our son's who will one day be fathers and the support system for their expectant partners.  It's been said over and over again that anyone can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a father.  How do we prepare our sons for fatherhood or is this a job primarily left to our partners to conduct.  What if we are a single parent who is the be all in a family, how then can our sons be modeled for greatness as a father.  Where do we go then if the male role models in our lives are not better as fathers than anyone.  I ask this question because I have two sons aged 16 and 7 and I wish for them to be comfortable in their roles as one day dads, who will support their partners in an assertive way and pre destine a gentle birth.  I have modeled my behaviour specific to what I wish for my sons.  The importance of birth and their role as a caring parent.  I speak openly about how they came into this world and the way in which their births empowered me collectively as a woman and as a mother.  I love my sons for giving me incredible experiences with birth, both natural and both with the imprint of love first and foremost.  I am grateful for the role their father played in their births.  I am grateful for the midwife support I received during their pregnancies, which assisted in equipping me with a grounded knowledge base.  You can only share through example of what you have experienced yourself.  No one can tell you how it was for you, like I cant tell a mama how it was for them.  You own your birth, just like I own mine.  It's not for anyone to steal, borrow or dictate.  Embrace your sons in your birth, include them so they can see and know first hand how to take the steps towards a great fatherhood.

I am Maori, I Birth too

Hinetitama by Robyn Kahukiwa

I wouldn't go as far to say that ideas are stolen, oh no because that would make me a racist.  Lets just say things that I find the norm in my culture, appear to be the new thing in today's society.  Anyone who is of indigenous descent can tell you that we have been doing things the natural way since time began.  By natural I'm talking, birth, talking to the womb, conducting prayers to the potential of our babies way before the claws of well to do ideology came along.  Before we were dehumanized during public birthing practices and made to feel we had signed our rights to our bodies over to an apparently higher power.  I get hoha (annoyed) literally when I as a Maori woman, am made to feel that I know nothing about my body and nothing about birth for that matter.  Especially when it comes to the care of the many Maori mothers and families, I put under my wing as a Birth Attendant.  I know whats sensitive to my Maori Mama's, in terms of whats acceptable practice when it comes to touching, handling and care.  

I am all for a birth without intervention especially when the maths has been calculated beforehand and there are no risks present.  Being Maori alone does not warrant mass intervention, I challenge any care provider who deems it necessary to place such restrictions on a Mama because of cultural heritage.  I also get hoha at well to do folk proclaiming the euphoria of natural birth, while looking down their nose at those of us who have already been there and done that.  Tall poppy syndrome in birthing circles is tragic and as rampant as the small pox that wiped many indigenous cultures out around the world.

Why the hate lady?  I wouldn't go as far to say hate, more fed up with the tokenism remarks (my husbands maari *in a matter of fact way to say it's okay to digitally enter your nether region*)  I have maari friends and they don't do things this way.  News flash, your husband doesn't allow you to digitally enter his rectum does he and your friends are not giving birth right now or under my care so save it.  I'm assertive when it comes to culturally sensitive care, I'm assertive because of the spiritual nature of birth in my culture.  This stuff isn't text book, it isn't taught, its in our DNA, its who I am and its what I do for the cultural preservation of my people.  Our birthing practices have been long down trodden and long outnumbered, but with an increase of awareness, education by way of Waananga to our children, families and extended families.  Our customs and traditions of birth can be carried and nurtured as they should be.  How can such knowledge and care not reflect on our future generations.  We imprint a life of potential when we welcome our babies into the arms of loved ones, that's our job as their parents, carers and providers.  That's not the job of a gloved hand, a yelling OB or specialist, let alone an egotistical midwife.