Our Mother connection

I feel privileged to know, have encountered and to have learned important aspects of childbirth over the years and more importantly these past months.  I remember the important things that apply to birth and especially that of the umbilical cord, belly button or umbilicus.  The belly button is the link that we have with our mothers from birth, if you can think of the way in which we are sustained within the womb through our umbilical cord.  When we interfere with this by way of piercings, we are cutting that link from our mothers in such a spiritual way.  I am lucky to have been handed down knowledge such as this thanks to my tungane (brother) Ezard.  I believe that he plays an integral role in promoting the essence of Maori healing and it's benefits and I feel that pull as he did them years back when he apprenticed with Papa.  My skills and knowledge are no match to that of his, though I hear him chanting the Takutaku when I am doing mahi and for me that centers and grounds me even more.  I always enjoyed the way in which he would work on someone in such a manner that inspired me.  Why it took me this long to fully reciprocate the mahi, is based on my own in confidence, where I didn't trust myself enough to be in neutrality.  This amount of years on and I am thankful that I have a mentor such as Wikitoria Oman to nurture and awhi the inner healer.  It is something that we are all born with, yet something that we either acknowledge and feed or suppress until the signs are all present for us.

Maori Birth in Australia

I believe strongly that the way we are born into this world reflects the way in which we live in this world.  The effects that a gentle birth has on a mother, baby and family is ten fold and so beneficial in so many ways.  I also believe that instilling our cultural identity into our children is something that starts prior to birth and at the time of conception.  Our ancient Oriori (lullaby) have been handed down through generations and for significant reason.  Oriori told us of our whakapapa, our ancestors and the things that would make us what we will be in the future.  I believe that when a tohu (sign) arrived at the time of our conception, that it was a means to acknowledge our future.  From then we had our Oriori chanted to us while we are in the womb and continuously until our birth into Te Ao Turoa (the new world)  This is the first of many waananga that we will encounter in our lives and possibly one of the most important.  We arrive with a knowing of the world, much like that of my now 7 year old son.  After having mahi with Papa Hohepa, he arrived with his eyes wide open and with a knowing.  He had no care to cry, until he realised that he was no longer in the familiar surroundings of my womb and before long he opened his lungs, announcing to the world that he had arrived.  He preferred the closeness of my body to his and I embraced him with as much of myself as I could. 

My aim is to bring back our ancient teachings such as Oriori and haputanga (pregnancy) related ahuatanga (elements) tikanga (customs) and matauranga (knowledge) belonging to our ancestors.  Something only us as Maori people are entitled to and gifted with.  We owe it to our babies to know who they are and be grounded in all aspects of their identity, no matter where it is that they are born.  My path to becoming a Tapuhi (Birth Attendant) is fast approaching and I am sensing the yearning from my own to want this.  While becoming a Midwife would ultimately be preferred, I feel as a Birth Attendant you are better able to maintain and uphold more traditions without the scrutiny of a hierarchy in the business sense to censorship your mahi.  2012 is looking brighter for sure.

Homeless and Marginalised

It's a raw truth that people are ashamed to address but one that strikes my heart in such a profound way. I have way too much empathy and community in me to let such high numbers go un-noticed. I have been following closely the rise and fall and hopefully rise again of the charity Just Enough Faith. I have read the slander and political strong arm tactics which have seen it's founders portrayed in a manner that has me feeling embarrassed at how idiotic this federal government truly is. After making claims that donated dollars were misappropriated on gambling, it was later found in court that the only thing the Gambin's failed to do was file a tax return. I mean really? All the crap dished compiles to a whole heap of nothing and a couples reputation has been dragged literally through the mud. Shame shame shame.
What I like about JEF is the fact they are not government funded, nor are they religiously motivated. Which has been a factor in their success amongst Sydney's homeless and a thorn in state governance. Government does not want a vigilante food van feeding the homeless, because this has tax payers question where proposed funding is going to. Millions of tax dollars are ear marked to supposedly help the homeless and marginalized, yet these funds go 80% of the time to paying administration fees etc. This leaves a mere 20% for food of not even a quality level, yet this appears to be justified. DoCS spy's are placed strategically within these government funded food vans, which sees those who need it most going without due to fear. The word here is if you are not associated to a church or gov org, then it's possible you will be taken down by any means (and I mean ANY means) necessary to prove to the country our government is helping our homeless. Wrong!! When you take down and demean the character of a charity that was neither politically or religiously motivated, then I question just how determined they are to close the gap. It's about funding folks, not the homeless or marginalized. Government doesn't want to be questioned over the misuse of funds, because no one is utilizing their food vans/spy camps/recruitment paddy wagons. I'm seeing red like literally at how DoCS makes claims to their own lies, while lining the pockets of greedy church based charities such as The Salvos and Exodus. How dare they! How dare they pray on a persons situation for money, votes and system justification. Food for thought this Christmas as we all sit down to beautiful meals in our cosy homes.

A Sunday unlike any other

I looked forward to my meeting up with my Romiromi family after last weekends Wānanga. I was ready and content with taking my first steps away from Wikitoria and with like minded women. I've never felt so much pull to be in the company of other Maori women, following bad experiences with Maori women since being in Sydney. I have trust issues following being witch hunted by people you think you can trust and feel safe with. How wrong was I to think this. I've never seen so much literal dishonesty in my own people, to the detriment of ones self esteem, Wairua and Mauri. I considered the option of suicide on more than one occasion, as I couldn't take the internal fighting and feeling incomplete in my own skin. I didn't know who I was anymore, I wasn't me and I didn't like it. My attempts to reach out to social services proved fruitless and felt downright discriminatory on so many levels. I was made to feel that my situation wasn't significant enough to warrant any referral support, as I am not a permanent resident or Australian citizen. Therefore I was expected to follow a costly Counselling session, which could have ultimately taken the food out of my daughters mouth. How did that happen? I asked Centrelink for a referral to a social worker, to be told they didn't have any. Are you serious? So how angry was I with the ongoing circle of despair that I was caught up in and tell me this doesn't effect a woman to such suicidal extremes. I had to heal myself and I can tell you this is not an easy task. Moving was a must, I felt weighed down and lacking in motivation. This recent move has been a learning one for all of us and instilling values back into our family, values I was brought up with and values my daughter needs to be part of. My inner creative has come home, where I've enjoyed fashion drawing and art work again.
Sunday saw me addressing so much anger issues on so many levels, through my whakapapa and those I've buried deep these last 4 years. Anger is stubborn and feeds off my feelings of all kinds that have no place in my body. It would take seconds for me to lose it literally and now having taken on and filled the void with love and light, I'm finally breathing fully for the first time in a long long time. I love my small family and my family I miss in New Zealand so much. Also it's the first time I've felt grounded and complete in my ability as a Maori women living in Sydney. I have so much gratitude for Pāpā and his knowledge, Wikitoria for the seed and Jacq and Berta for this feeling I have now a feeling of genuine rebirth. In the beginning there was nothing.

December arrives

So today is the dawning of a new month and the lead up to a year ending. So much has captivated my attention these past 3 months that I am finally feeling the sun on my face. Which simply means I am living again. As my own critic and own worst enemy, I came to a realization that I have a fear about my potential in succeeding. I know it is a DNA imprint as I have seen it happen time and time again without progression and without the backbone to ever succeed. I can't tell you why, I can't tell you where that elusive switch to my fear is but I do know that it has been activated. On Sunday I had the honor of being a for training purposes example to my peers. If you are not familiar with Romiromi, I encourage you to seek and do. My hips gave way to my seemingly together composure (despite the fact I cried every time I spoke) which for me came from an emotional place in my lower right back and hip. When I was having Romiromi this particular spot had me releasing so much of my emotional turmoil and pain, that I was literally in pain and tears. The more I breathed back into that pain and cried, the bigger the release I had. For me this was a turning point in addressing not only my emotional fear but my fear of success. As cliche as such testimonials can be, I am so not fronting on this one. I feel and know that healing and this mahi is where I see myself. I've learnt to let go of that which does not serve me and fear of succeeding is one of them.  I have felt the isolation and the guilt of exploring things that in no way make my heart feel warm and from this stems fear, which further isolates me from who I am.  I hold myself accountable for the actions that then cause a reaction as a result of my own ignorance and fear.  One thing I hold dear to the weekend workshop, is the feeling of community I felt being amongst other Maori women and men.  I felt the livening in my heart and from there I look forward to my future prospects and life.  The new year on the horizon looks better than ever and feels better than ever.  Welcome home me, it's been a long time coming.